Celebration of Life. Gone but Forever Loved and Missed.

Barend Hendrik Steenhuis

Thank you for reaching out with kind words, letters, flowers, and attention with the passing of my dear husband, our father, and grandfather.  Your presence and support at the celebration of life and during the past 15 months of his illness are appreciated. 

Heel veel dank voor alle belangstelling, bloemen, brieven en steun bij het afscheid van mijn man, onze vader, en Opa. Uw aanwezigheid, aandacht, en visites tijdens de 15 maanden van zijn ziekte en bij de afscheid bijeenkomst is veel gewaardeerd.

Bonnie L. Steenhuis-Sweeny                 

20316 Driftwood Drive           

Oregon City, OR 97045

Jacqueline Steenhuis  and Sara Steenhuis-Bickel

Naomi, Julia, Alexandra, Emmett, and Kellan

Adam and Josh

Celebration of a Life Well Lived

On the shores of Beaver Lake

Dear Family, Friends, Facebook Friends and Blog followers,

As you know, Barend Steenhuis recently passed away after a 15 month battle with lung cancer.  During that time his family was at his side and many of you visited our home on Beaver Lake.  We loved all those visits and had hoped to have many more this summer and fall.  You came from far away and farther away because we had travelled the world together making friends.

It started when Barend attended Nijenrode and came to the University of Oregon for an exchange program.  After the school year was completed, he stayed on to earn his MBA and then married Bonnie Sweeny.  Jacqueline was born before they returned to The Netherlands where the family was excited to welcome a new daughter and sister Sara-Lynn a few years later.

During his life Barend lived and worked in Holland, Belgium, Sweden and the east coast of the US before finding his retirement paradise in Oregon.  He also travelled the world for his job and, in fact, the only continent he had not visited was Antarctica.  Along the way, his ready smile, the glint in his eye and the always positive and playful attitude made him many friends.

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Barend Hendrik Steenhuis

Born January 31^st 1947, Groningen, The Netherlands

Died July 17^th 2014, Oregon City Oregon

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The cremation took place on Monday July 21^st without ceremony.  Barend believed that the gatherings on these occasions are for the living and should be a support for those who, of necessity, remain behind.  He wanted a party to celebrate his life as he celebrated every day he lived.

We would like to invite all of his friends, family and colleagues, who might be able to take part, to a celebration of Barend’s life.  His favorite place became his home on Beaver Lake which makes it the perfect location.

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Beaver Lake Estates

Oregon City, Oregon

September 13th 2014

1:00 pm – 4:00pm

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Between 2:00pm and 3:00pm there will be an opportunity to speak for anyone who would like to share a memory of Barend with the gathering.

We realize that the time and expense to travel to this gathering would be prohibitive for many of you.   If you would like to send a text document, email or card with your remembrance, they all will be placed in an album for viewing during the gathering.

Please RSVP by August 30, 2014

 

Bonnie L. Steenhuis-Sweeny, Jacqueline Steenhuis, Sara-Lynn Steenhuis Bickel.

Adam Whiting           Joshua Bickel

Grandchildren:    Naomi, Julia, Alexandra, Emmett and Kellan

 Email:  celebrate.barend@gmail.com

20316 Driftwood Drive

Oregon City, OR  97045-7339

 

 

 

Goodbyes are not forever, it simply means I'll miss you until I see you again

On Wednesday Opa passed away.  In some ways this was very unexpected as we had always been told it would be a gradual decline, not falling off a cliff and yet this was a steep cliff.  On Sunday Opa had a some trouble breathing after walking up the stairs and he headed to the emergency room.  He was given some oxygen and quickly felt better.  The x-rays indicated pneumonia so he was admitted into the hospital.  We thought he would be out by Tuesday. 
On Monday we visited and joked around and Papa was in great spirits. Overnight things changed pretty quickly and he had to be sedated to keep additional breathing equipment on.  From there the decline was quick.  We're sorry for not updating people more through out this process but none of us expected this initially.  Once we realized we were somewhat in shock and focused on getting through the final hours.  His last day was peaceful and surrounded by his family.  We had beers and nuts at 4pm like any other day we visited.  Lots of memories were shared and we played some of his favorite music.  I'm sure some people wondered why Julio Iglesias was playing in the critical care unit. 

Although of course I wished this day was years in the future, there were so many blessings.  It was clear he never wanted to be dependent on others.  All his grand children were sleeping over the night before and in the morning they were all eating pancakes with muisjes (special dutch toppings).  He even taught Kellan how to roll his up to minimize the loss of muisjes.   He felt great and was happy.

Over the last couple of days we've gotten so many great messages about our Dad and what he meant to people.  Of course we always thought he was a great man but I'm proud that he made a difference in so many other people's lives. 

We miss you terribly Opa but I have no doubt you're entertaining crowds in the next world.

We will update the blog with information on the service as well as updates on the family so please stay tuned. 

Lyrical Chemistry

I woke up today at first light to one of these incredible West Coast Summer days. The cold of night still in the air, dew on the grass, steam lazily coming off the perfectly mirrored lake surface. A doe and her two little fawns happily hopping around their mom, the birds singing, woodpeckers doing the rhythm sections, and you have the first scene out of Walt Disney's Bambi movie. You could nearly hear the romantic mandolin music in the background.  Now picture yourself in that scene with freshly brewed coffee, and you have to agree that it can hardly be more perfect than this. After taking this in for at least half an hour I turn on the television news and watch with amazement the politicians making each other's life miserable. Boy, did they get it wrong! The reason for this lyrical and cliched outburst, and I promise I will never do this again, is simply to show how incredibly good life can be even for people who have a little better insight in their time line, or rather the end thereof. Of course all of this would be meaningless if we did not get to share this corner of paradise with friends and family of whom so many have visited us. We indeed consider ourselves fortunate. What may be most important is the humor friends and family bring. We laugh a lot and the morbid humor is getting to an exceptionally good level. Keep it coming!

It was hardly a surprise when the decision to change from immunotherapy drugs to a  more traditional chemotherapy in pill form was confirmed two weeks ago. To process the fact that this also confirmed there will not be a cure or significant extension of life did not take more than two gulps of air, and 3 minutes later we were onto more important subjects, like where to have cocktails. The tumors in the right pelvis have slowed me down and I walk with a limp, but that may end soon. In the last blog I speculated about getting radiation and guess what: we had the MRI, seen the radiologist, got measured for the cast, had 5  treatments, got my diploma and big hugs from all 5 cute technologists. I hope the testosterone on my chest did not rub off on them, else the technologists may now sport mustaches and speak in deep baritone voices.

Bonnie and I enjoyed the continuation of the World Cup with Holland still in the race. What excitement! We watched the unfortunate disintegration of the Brazil team against the Germans, Holland going from trailing Mexico by 1 goal to scoring twice in the last 6 minutes. The games were surprising and we were watching history being made. We were thrilled by how cool and composed the Dutch Team took their PK's against Costa Rica and how that sly fox Van Gaal changed his goalie in the last minute before the end of the game, and had to watch in total agony how Vlaar took a 30 yard run like a Sunday Morning Amateur to shoot right in the hands of the Argentinian goal keeper. This last loss was NOT my fault. I had to do a CT scan right in the middle of this game and as you can see I kept my orange hat on! No Compromises! The hat tested tumor free and is ready for the next world cup in Russia. Sara and her kids watched the game at our house, which was a nice bonus for the grandparents, but our grandkids may not yet have the same appreciation for the game. We are working on that.

A Holland Fan through thick and thin.

We had a busy schedule of visits to oncologists, radiologists, blood draws for lab testing, CT scan and there was barely a day without some kind of medical event. Of the few times I visited medical providers in the Philadelphia area, I cannot remember one visit where the consult actually started on the appointed time. Not so in the Providence Medical Network, because that organization runs like clockwork, and a medical appointment leaves time to do other things on our busy schedule.

Terry and Fernanda at Stonecliff Inn

In between all the medical professionals we had a visit from Terry, our finance manager from Merrill Lynch, who traveled from his home in Florida, diagonally across the United States to Oregon. You can hardly fly further without leaving the contiguous 49 states. We consider Terry a good friend and we have known him for a very long time, and were pleased that he brought his girlfriend along for a 4th of July weekend in Oregon.
Since he is helping us make lots of money, he is also of  course in the column of professional contacts but it is so much nicer to work together in a friendly atmosphere with complete trust. Bonnie, Terry and I had a real old-fashioned (for me at least) meeting with a real agenda, and then all of us managed to do a delicious lunch at the Stone Cliff Inn without talking shop during the meal. Now that is real friendship.

Harry is ready for a nap!

You of course always hope to get some hot tips from your finance advisor, and Terry indeed came through in a big way when he gave us the name of a fish restaurant on the banks of the Columbia river close to the airport. It so happened that yesterday Pat and Harry had a 7 hour lay-over in Portland on their grueling journey from Philadelphia to Alaska.  We picked them up at Portland airport. What a delight and what opportunity to catch up with friends. By the time they came to Portland they were already 12 hours into the journey but the conversations were lively and we dined on freshly caught salmon that must have been alive that morning. Add some Oregon wines and there was ample material to keep Pat and Harry awake.

Back to the plane.

The Clinical Trial is perhaps not the cure for me.

Last week we went to the clinic for our biweekly infusion and to consult with our oncologist. The clinical trial drugs are clearly not working for us, and we will need to change to a different kind of drug. That would most likely be a pill based chemotherapy called Tarceva, which will be used to help control the growth of cancer but which cannot shrink the tumors, at least not the kind of tumors I have. It is of course a bummer that this effectively rules out a cure or, at minimum, a substantial extension of life. The new drug will also have more side effects than those of the clinical trial, but it may, hopefully, allow radiation on my right hip. The bone cancer in the left hip was treated with radiation and I hope to receive similar results on the right hip.  So there are definitely upsides as well. Maybe, and I really hope so, I can perhaps stop taking morphine and get my driving privileges back. Due to the opioids, Bonnie has to drive me around town because  a couple minutes disappear from my life here or there and if that happens in busy traffic that could of course lead to a big mess. We are only two weeks away from the regular 8 week CT scan and perhaps the Oncologist wants to await that test before changing drugs. Meanwhile she ordered additional blood tests to measure testosterone and other hormones. The oncologist also ordered two MRI's which we did on Sunday. One of the brain and one of the hip, and doing those in one session turned out to be a bad idea. I don't mind being in an incredible noisy tunnel for over two hours but being stretched out on a very uncomfortable platform and not being able to move a painful hip for the entire time was not an experience to be repeated. And we may have to do exactly that. The discomfort led to involuntary muscle movements and the pictures may be fuzzy.

While I was updating this blog, the Oncologist called to share the results of the tests. The MRI’s, it turned out, were readable and can be used. There are no lesions in the brain, which is excellent news, but the bone cancer in the hip is growing and an intervention will be necessary. An appointment with the radiologist has already been made for Friday, which shows again that if you do get sick, do it in the USA with good insurance.  All hormone levels were extremely low, and totally out of range, which probably means that the clinical trial drugs have shut down the pituitary gland, or hypothalamus (hypofyse in Dutch),  which is the gland that orchestrates  the Thymus and other glands to produce the right hormones. Without testosterone, it is no wonder that I am losing my butt and other muscle mass faster than snow in the desert.  Watch out Ladies. A generous supply of Testosterone replacement is on its way, as well as steroids and other drugs to reverse that situation, and I hope to be gaining back some of the weight I lost.

One of Jan's little projects in Mortsel Belgium

That was perhaps a little too much whining.  There is enough to enjoy in life: Jan, our good and lifelong friend from Belgium and former colleague decided to come and see us in Oregon. Jan is probably the most creative entrepreneur in all of Belgium and certainly the most creative entrepreneur I know. I am always surprised how he comes up with new money making schemes ranging from fast moving consumer goods, TV entertainment, rebuilding a castle into retirement units, or renting apartments and student rooms, just to mention a few. It was an absolute pleasure to hear all the new ventures.

Jan in the snow at Mt Hood

Jan's brother died of cancer and it was also helpful to talk about some of the experiences he has had. We were able to see Portland and the nature surrounding the city. Just a few days before our Grandkids were floating in the lake, Jan and I were having lunch in the snow on top of Mt Hood, which is
just one hour away from our house. We were able to verify that it is entirely possible to ski in the morning and swim in the afternoon, should any of you need an incentive to visit us in Oregon. Jan, with his 7 ft length, was able to fold himself into the driver seat of the Sisi truck, and that is how we meandered through Oregon in about as much comfort a shrunken Sherman tank.

The travel agency made a mistake in Jan’s booking and his flight actually left a day earlier than we thought. A good thing his daughter discovered that and it was a blessing in disguise because Jan missed a very depressive play in downtown Portland

The grandkids decided that it was time for a camping trip and Camp Oma and Opa was selected for this purpose. This made for a fun weekend for everyone. Nearly everyone. I found Sara early in the morning curled up in a blanket in the library after she was pushed off the air mattress during the night. Fortunately the sun rises early at this time of year and by the time the grandkids woke up, it was a pleasant summer day.

Break between games

The World Cup is a blessing for the oldies with limited mobility. Oregon is the ideal place to live: at 9 AM we have the first match, the second match starts at 12:00 and a third match is at 3 PM Then there is ample time for celebrations from 5 PM onwards. Holland performed unexpectedly well, and in the festive environment you can find Bonnie and I early in the morning dressed in orange, shouting loudly to cheer on the Dutch team. We have appropriate colors for USA and Belgium as well. We root for Colombia but do not have the right shirts. I have a Mexican shirt but cannot possibly wear that because they play Holland next.

The second Dutch game was exactly at the time of the oncologist appointment and I had to call on the support team since there is no television in the fusion room. So the grandkids followed the game at their parents’ house and sent instant messages every time the score changed.

Sara received paddleboards as an early birthday present and she agreed to leave them at the lake house. We have new toys for the lake! Come on over and enjoy the fun and games.

Beaver Defense Wins over Immune Defense in This Round

It is time for another update on the status of the Opa in the title role.  We had another scan on the 16th of May and eagerly awaited results at the oncologist visit on Wednesday last.  The bottom line is that the bad news isn't necessarily bad and could, in the end, be good news.  There are a few spots of cancer that have flared up and become visible on the scans.  This seems to be as frequent an occurrence with this treatment as the extreme reduction in tumor is for another group of patients.  We have opted to do the second cycle before abandoning the hope we have invested in this treatment.

We have in the meantime passed the one year mark since the diagnosis in April 2013.  Given the initial prognosis this was cause for celebration though on a small scale.  No drinks and no gourmet meals since appetite reduction is one of the side effects of the immunotherapy protocol.

Early this month we had another visit from Tammo and Aafke.  Tammo assisted with eating the home baked cookies to energize the beaver defense system expansion.  We were alerted to increased beaver activity in the recent past and it was time to protect all of the remaining trees and shrubs from the lake inhabitants.

Team Alpha at DEFCON 1

While Tammo and Aafke were visiting they celebrated their 44th wedding anniversary.  They treated us to a wonderful dinner which allowed us to check off one more restaurant, Veritable Quandary, from our bucket list.

This time it was a very short visit but we hope they will return soon to complete further projects in our little paradise.

A week later, the day I had oral surgery, Jacqueline arrived with Julia for a long weekend.  This was a stroke of luck because the oral surgery caused more swelling than expected and along with that more pain than I could deal with easily.  I took to my bed with pain medications and Jacqueline took over the cooking and driving until I dropped them at the airport on Sunday.  This allowed me to recover in great comfort though I missed a good visit with Julia.  She had a sleepover at Sara's home so the cousins and sisters could catch up once again.

                               

We are beginning to have summer days interspersed with cooler rainy ones to keep the environs lush and green.  The lake is already beginning to warm up and some of the residents have been swimming and boating though we have not yet tested the waters.   

Soon our European visitors will begin arriving and the grandchildren will be finishing the school year once again.  We are looking forward to a warm and sociable summer as we continue to enjoy our little patch of paradise.

Pietje

After a short batlle with cancer, our good buddy and BFF Pieter van Wissen passed away on Monday, only days after his 67^th birthday. Pietje is one of the original good guys and I wish we could have enjoyed his company a little longer. 

Op een mooie herfstdag in 1968 in Eugene Oregon stapte Pietje uit de bus. Zomaar. Alle andere Nederlanders in Eugene waren via Nyenrode gekomen, maar Pieter had toegang tot de universiteit heel eigenzinnig zelf geregeld en dat in een tijd dat er slechts een handvol Nederlanders in Amerika ging studeren. Pietje vond redelijk snel zijn stekje in Holland House on 944 East 19th Street, een van de Nederlandse bastions rond de campus die volgens velen de inspiratie is geweest voor Animal House, de film die later in Eugene is opgenomen. Studeren, mits er niet te veel boeken aan te pas komen, kan op zich zeer aangenaam zijn, maar in ons geval was het uitzonderlijk veel lol. Het was iedere dag lachen, gieren, brullen, grote feesten op zaterdag, kippen en een serie oude auto's bij het huis, voetballen met het Amstel team, borrels bij Ab en Trudy. Het leek een lange onbezorgde vakantie. De serieuze tijden kan ik mij niet zo goed herinneren maar die moeten er af en toe geweest zijn want we verlieten de stad met wat diploma’s op zak. Toen Bonnie en ik onze prachtige dochter kregen, heb ik mij wat uit het wilde leven teruggetrokken want er moesten wat centjes verdiend worden en Pietje hielp ons af en toe als Oppas Oom. 

Party in Eugene, with Ab, Eva, Larry, Lydia, Pietje, Tuutje, Barend, Bonnie, Phocas.

Toen begin zeventiger jaren iedereen terug in Nederland was, had je natuurlijk niet meer dat dagelijkse contact dat je in Eugene had. Soms hoorde of zag je elkaar een paar maanden niet maar als we Pietje tegen kwamen was het meteen weer als vanouds. “Hest al Paap had?” Tot de dag van vandaag is de groep Oregon studenten maatjes gebleven en Pieter was een belangrijk element daarin. We zagen elkaar op feesten, in Bedum, Ameland, op Den Allerdinck, Amsterdam. En het was altijd meteen weer lachen.

Ik ben dankbaar voor de warme vriendschap die er al die tijd geweest is. Toen Pieter en Agnes in Kuala Lumpur woonden en wij in de Verenigde Staten was zelfs het 12 uur tijdsverschil niet eens een belemmering. Wij beiden kregen de wekelijkse NRC Scripto gefaxed door Bert en we belden elkaar als we een woord nodig hadden of als we gewoon behoefte hadden aan praatje pot.

Pietje was een zeer creatief mens en zijn opinies en oplossingen zijn gegarandeerd nooit beïnvloed door de conventies in de samenleving. Pietje deed wat hij vond dat er moest worden gedaan. Als het werk hem niet meer beviel, hield hij er gewoon mee op. Zo wat? Voor zijn latere opdrachtgevers pakte dat goed uit, want waar de meeste westerse bedrijven blijven steken in dat deel van de markt die zij in Europa kennen, wist Pieter verkooporganisaties te ontwerpen aangepast aan de lokale omstandigheden die oneindig meer succesvol waren. En waren het niet Pieter en Willem van der Ster die als eerste in Nederland account management uitvonden?

Pietje was een intens goed mens. Hij heeft nooit iemand kwaad gedaan en iedereen die ik de afgelopen dagen gesproken heb, spreekt met grote genegenheid en warmte over onze Pietje. Het was tekenend dat de “big businessman” Pieter van Wissen de poes mee naar huis nam die bij hem in Saudia Arabia was komen aanlopen, ondanks de gigantische administratieve rompslomp. 

Dinner in Amsterdam with Barend, Bonnie, Pieter, Agnes, Christa en Bert

Ik stel me voor dat Pietje het zweverige gedoe in de groene weiden met veldbloemen in de hemel al voor gezien heeft gehouden en een kroeg heeft gevonden waar hij hardop lachend een biertje drinkt met nieuwe maten. Houd een paar plaatsen vrij voor je maten! We missen je hier.

We wensen Agnes, Madelief, Jip, Goos en alle verdere familie heel veel sterkte. Het zal heel erg wennen worden.